my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I did not marry a roomba.
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