i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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