Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.

(240): View more from Maryland

What a good friend

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(301): There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out. (240): What a good friend http://tfl.nu/qs4m

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(616): View more from Michigan

i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.

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(616): i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold. http://tfl.nu/7qjs

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(847): View more from Illinois

So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be

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(847): So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be http://tfl.nu/8bju

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(540): View more from Virginia

I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.

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(540): I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him. http://tfl.nu/377w

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(419): View more from Ohio

I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said

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(419): I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said http://tfl.nu/s0mp

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(971): View more from Oregon

I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.

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(971): I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer. http://tfl.nu/l4im

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(206): View more from Washington

So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?

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(206): So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for? http://tfl.nu/tolv

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(949): View more from California

Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.

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(949): Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me. http://tfl.nu/lccl

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(563): View more from Iowa

I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?

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(563): I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor? http://tfl.nu/8nw2

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(260): View more from Indiana

Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.

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(260): Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given. http://tfl.nu/4cnf

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.

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(603): It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night. http://tfl.nu/ygzt

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.

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(832): Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right. http://tfl.nu/ngre

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(812): View more from Indiana

Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300

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(812): Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300 http://tfl.nu/t71x

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(316): View more from Kansas

I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.

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(316): I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry. http://tfl.nu/w045

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(44): View more from United Kingdom

I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud

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(44): I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud http://tfl.nu/s93d

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