I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
yeah, it was that bad.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
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closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
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I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.