new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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