I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it