I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We have so much sex to catch up on
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.