I've blown a few things in my day
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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