I thought spray tan was a myth
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me