Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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