her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
