Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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