Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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