Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
