I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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