I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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