We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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