yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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