i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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