I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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