he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
