i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
