I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My pussy is not your playground.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
