I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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