Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
