Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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