Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
i now understand why vodka
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
