Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You left your phone here
Wait...
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