youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Randomize
