I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
