Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
even my farts smell like vagina
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
