why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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