She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
