his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
