This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I have aggressive nipples.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
