Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Bring me that man meat
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
