Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
