Will you blow on my dice?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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