Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
