the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
