Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I did not marry a roomba.
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