Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It's rum buckets o'clock
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
