just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
