Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
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