Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
