He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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