my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
