I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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