Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
