forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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