I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
