Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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