We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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