My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
