how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
