Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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