he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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