I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
