drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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