As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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