i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
