no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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