What a fucking waste of an outfit
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
