Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize