So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
