if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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