the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
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