So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
