well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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