fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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