so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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