What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
