is your mom at the bar?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
