Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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