at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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