He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
