I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
