u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
