your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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